Communication Gifts to Give. Dr. Janet L. Jacobsen

COMMUNICATION GIFTS TO GIVE
No technology required!

by Janet L. Jacobsen

This year's "hot gifts" may be communication devices, but they won't improve relationship problems. Pick one of the following techniques for improving your communication. It's a gift not just for your family, friends, and people you meet, but also for yourself.
Breaking our communication habits requires real work, so pick just one to master.

* LOOK BEFORE YOU LEAP. Do you have a tendency to leap to conclusions? Especially if you tend to cut people off because you think you know what they are going to say, hold back. Frame what you have to say as a question, rather than a conclusion, and monitor your tone of voice too.
"It sounds to me like you want to spend less time together" is a lot less threatening than cutting them off with "I can't believe you want to spend less time together!"

* PRAISE FOR ITS OWN SAKE. It's so easy to focus on what we want improved in a relationship; we forget to mention what's going well. Each time you spend time with someone (including your kids), say something positive. "I've been meaning to tell you how much I enjoy your sense of humor." "You are the most helpful person I know."
But no fishing! If you act like you expect some praise in return, you've cancelled your message.

* LISTEN BETTER BY PAUSING. Do you stop listening because you are planning what you're going to say? There is no rule that conversation must be a series of rapid turns.
Listen to the other person. Hear them out. Let them finish. THEN be quiet a moment and decide on your response. It's the pause that can refresh relationships.